today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash…
wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said
"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"
then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming
washing your boobs is the most fun part of showering by far because when they are soapy they are so slippery and soft and it is the greatest form of entertainment
and with one single post, you’ve given every straight male and homosexual female a boner.
I like putting the soap bar between them and seeing how far I can launch it. I busted a light that way once tho.
That-that sounds pretty impressive, actually
You would think that teenagers would be the rudest customers when really it’s mostly old, middle-aged people.
The elderly are either adorable or the wrinkly reincarnation of Satan there is no in between